Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Struggling with Myself

I have been struggling with myself for sometime now. I have been eating way to much and not the right kinds of foods. Ya see I'm a stress eater and my schooling, mostly math has been a big stress factor in my life. I stop on the way to school and grab something fast and eat it on the way to school. Not only that I get a candy or something sweet to go along with it. I feel shame when I do this, and it feels uncontrollable, I need to learn self control, as I'm feeling like my weight is spinning out of control quickly. I feel like one of those closet eaters that hide to get satisfied.
I don't like to look at myself in the mirror, and when I do it almost makes me cry. I feel like I have screwed up my body and don't really like my husband to even touch me. He does and I feel embarrassed that I'm not that woman he married. Yes I do know time changes us all, and age does a little trick to us. But dang!
Then Sunday with the kids here we got on the subject of weight for some reason, and hubby proudly says he's the lightest one in the house. He didn't mean it in a slam to me in anyway, but damn that stung!!!!
I have prayed on this matter and asked for help, but how can God help you if you can't control yourself. I feel like a food attic, I weigh more than I have ever in my life, even being 9 month pregnant.



T said...


First, you aren't alone with this. Like you, I'm a stress eater and heaven help anyone who gets in my way!

By acknowledging it, you've started to take control of it. I know for myself, a food journal makes a HUGE difference for me. If I'm having to write down EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth, I tend to control myself a bit. I will also journal other things with my foods (like if it's time for my period, a particularly bad event/day, etc.) - the thought in that is I'll be able to see a pattern or event that triggers me and hopefully put the brakes on it next time!

I also find that if I completely deny myself something, that triggers a binge (and a BAD one). So if I'm really, really jonesing for chocolate, I have some. But only a little bit (so I keep dark chocolate hershey kisses around and will have 2 or 3. But I eat slowly, and by the time I'm at #3, the howling craving is usually gone.), then I don't have the guilt.

Don't be to hard on yourself!


The Emery's said...

I wish I could hug you.

We all have our struggles...mine happens to be money. I'm a stress spender. I've damaged my credit to the point that I cry. I always thought I wouldn't need credit so 'whatever'. Then my van broke down and I didn't have any money tucked away for emergencies. Now...well, let's say I'm paying for it! Especially in %interest.

I know with everything in me how horrible it feels when you struggle with something. Everything in my mind and heart says 'don't' but I always 'do'. Then I feel guilty and shameful, embarrassed.

I cannot do much for you but I will offer this: I am here. I support you. I will NEVER judge you. I can laugh, cry, pray and just 'be' with you.


Wanda said...

Diets that deprive will only depress...Ten years ago I did the following and it still works for me...Make a decision to only eat nourishing food...not empty calories...have dk chocolate everyday...instead of colas...drink water flavored a little with cranberry juice or lemon...eat breakfast...lunch is my main meal...dinner is small...and don't eat too close to bedtime...Start the day active...if only dancing in place a few minutes...stay active...even while sitting doing the blog-twist and turn-shrug your shoulders:)it makes you feel in control-happier-it's easy to do to "your music here"...when going up stairs turn around and do it again...make it a habit...every little bit counts...mainly eat "healthy" and be "active"...I love food and I love walking...Mostly do the things that make you happy...no matter what size you are...love yourself...treat yourself special!
BTW-Frozen Grapes are good for "mindless snacking"...they taste good...can't eat them too fast and it's healthy. Take care Robyn!
Love the Blog header photo!

He And Me + 3 said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have been feeling that way too these days. I will pray for you...because it is tough.

Alicia said...

Robyn...I totally understand, my friend!!!! I will be praying for you too! You're not alone, girl!! Many of us struggle with weight issues!!

Anonymous said...

Robyn, I truly can relate to you on this. I too am struggling with my weight and am at my heaviest right now. NOthing I do seems to get me to loose those pounds, I even went to the doctor today for my yearly checkup and he even told me I have to loose the weight. I will lift you up in my prayers and I am asking if you will do the same for me.
Love your new look, it looks great!

Brady said...

First of all, your blog does look beautiful! And, reading about you, instead of seeing you, all I can see is beauty. I'm not saying that if I saw you you wouldn't be beautiful, I'm saying that it does matter what is on the inside. I know that doesn't help much with your struggles, but you are not alone. So many of us struggle with our weight, our looks, our eating habits, etc. You have the most important part of who you are (inside) in such a good place. You WILL get a hold of the outside, too. Don't give up on yourself!! I'll be praying for you. This is my daughters blog I've signed in under, but it is me leslieadavison.blogspot.com who is writing. Sorry.

Robyn said...

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and words of encouragement!
I'm blessed by all.

Sneaky Momma said...

I am a stress eater, too, and also feel the same way you do every now and then. Hang in there, Robyn.

Mama-c-ta said...

Robby I wish I was closer to you at times like this. Squeeeeeeze. Why don't you and your friends that want to start a support group for each other, maybe turn it into a small contest . The Blogs Sisters Biggest Losers. Be loven you